


dancing on to your heartbeat

by tadanoris



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Domestic Fluff, M/M, seungchuchu and viktuuri are bg ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 14:41:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12134664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tadanoris/pseuds/tadanoris
Summary: It's the little things that make their daily lives so special. Guang-Hong and Leo don't ask for much, simply enjoying every shared moment. Dancing together, cooking together, huddling together as the rain pours outside.Funny how one's life can be turned upside down so quickly.--A story about the importance of making memories, cherishing them, and moving on.





	dancing on to your heartbeat

  
The lights are bright, radiating a warmth that is both familiar and alien. It’s a strange sensation on his skin; it has been an entire year since he last stood here.

Nervousness curls around his insides, yet he looks surprisingly calm. Feels somewhat calm as well, like his mind hasn’t quite caught up to the pre-performance jitters his body is experiencing.

He has no idea how this will go, if it’ll make things worse or perhaps give him a sense of closure. Or perhaps there will be nothing, perhaps this will just be another day, another performance. He supposes that would be the best outcome, for this to feel normal.

  
....

  
They agreed to paint the room the second they laid eyes on it, the walls already covered in a horrendous shade of orange Leo hadn’t even known existed. They settled for the safe choice of white and, despite neither of them having any experience with painting walls, they decided to do the job themselves.

“You sure we’ve used enough tape?” Leo asked one final time, eyes scanning all the masking tape they had lined up against the baseboard. He had even used two layers some places, just in case.

When he didn’t receive any answer from Guang-Hong, he turned to look at him, only to get cold paint smeared on his face. It took him a moment to recover from the shock, eyes wide with surprise as his gaze landed on Guang-Hong’s mischievous grin. It was obvious that he was trying to hold back laughter.

“Should have put some tape on your face too,” Guang-Hong said, giggles coloring his voice. His fingers were still covered in white from when he must have dipped them in the paint bucket.

He looked ready to strike again.

“Guang-Hong--” Leo started, but was cut off by Guang-Hong’s fingers leaving another streak of white across his cheek.

Slowly, Leo’s lips curled into a playful smile. “Okay, now you’ve done it--”

Leo swiped his fingers atop the abandoned paint bucket lid in one swift move before going after Guang-Hong, whose high-pitched laughter filled the apartment. It didn’t look like he regretted it at all, even when they both ended up with paint on their cheeks, arms and clothes.

The walls remained orange and Leo wholeheartedly blamed Guang-Hong for it.

....

  
The apartment may be small, but it didn’t take long for it to feel like home. There were still some rooms that had ugly, old-looking wallpaper, but they didn’t bother fixing it, not yet. For now, they put up shelves and picture frames, decorating every corner with pieces of their lives.

Their fridge was covered in magnets from all the places they had been to, and the right side of Leo’s desk held multiple framed photos of their friends, curtesy of Phichit.

Phichit and Seung-gil were the first to visit the apartment, bringing with them house warming gifts and a lot of laughter.

Phichit complimented the polaroid pictures they had hung up on a string in the hallway. “I like it,” he said, “Very pinterest.”

Seung-gil nodded his agreement, “It helps distract from the ugly wallpaper.”

Neither Guang-Hong nor Leo said anything against that and Phichit only laughed at his boyfriend’s words. They knew that having walls covered in a pattern of small geese wasn’t pretty-- but by the time they had enough money and time to replace it, they had grown attached to the wallpaper.

It eventually inspired Phichit to try and find wallpaper with a hamster pattern-- Seung-gil didn’t know whether to be angry about it or not.

....

  
He is in the middle of making dinner when the doorbell rings. The sound startles him, as he’s not expecting any guests, and his husband usually just uses the keys to get in.

A police officer greets him when he opens the door.

“There has been an accident,” she says and her expression sends shivers down his spine.

....

  
Guang-Hong had spent a lot of time in the US, especially the past few years. Most of the time, he’d stay for a month at most, but after Leo had asked him to move in together, he had stayed for longer periods so they could search for a place to live.

Almost an entire year had passed since he had become a permanent US resident, an entire year spent away from his family and his home country. Homesickness had never been much of a problem for Guang-Hong, but he could feel it creeping up on him as the spring festival came closer.

He had never celebrated the spring festival without his family, never been outside China during the biggest, most important celebration of the year. He tried not to think about it too much, but admittedly, it was difficult not to be sad about all the festivities he would be missing. Even the thought of getting to avoid pushy and annoying relatives was of little comfort.

It felt a little silly, being upset about something like this, so he kept it to himself. However, despite his best efforts, Guang-Hong was still an open book when it came to emotions. It wasn’t difficult for Leo to figure out that something was up.

It takes some poking and prodding, but eventually Guang-Hong relented, explaining with a sigh, “Chinese new year’s eve is next week.”

And that was all the information Leo needed from him-- the rest he found via some thorough google searches.

On the day of Chinese new year’s eve, Guang-Hong came home to find _chunlian_ pasted next to and above the doorway to their apartment. The bright red was a stark contrast to the white walls of the apartment building and Guang-Hong vaguely wondered if this was even allowed.

And as if that wasn’t odd enough, Guang-Hong could already hear multiple voices inside the apartment, loud and excitable. Filled with curiosity, Guang-Hong let himself in.

The warmth hit him in the face together with the smell of freshly made food, but Guang-Hong didn’t even have time to react to that-- he very quickly found himself facing Yuri, who had his hands and cheeks filled with what seemed to be several _mantou._

For a moment, Yuri looked just as surprised as Guang-Hong felt, though he quickly managed to recompose himself and go back to his usual, vaguely annoyed expression. He looked about as threatening as a fuzzy kitten.

“Leo is in the kitchen,” was all Yuri said before he disappeared into the living room.

Guang-Hong could hear multiple voices coming from the other rooms, but he figured he should peek into the kitchen first so he could demand an explanation from Leo.

The culprit stood by a table covered in several plates of food, Minami next to him, with their backs to Guang-Hong.

“Leo?”

Both men were quick to turn at the sound of Guang-Hong’s voice, a smile quickly appearing on their faces.

“Welcome home!” Minami greeted at the same time as Leo said, “Surprise!”

Guang-Hong was still too shocked to really do anything, still not over the _chunlian_ outside and the fact that Yuri was just walking around, shoving _mantou_ in his face. He didn’t even know how many people were in their little apartment right now.

When the silence stretched on for too long, Leo’s smile wavered just a little, before he remembered something and brightened up again, “Oh! Uh, 恭喜发财!”

The pronunciation was far from perfect but the effort was obvious, and it was enough to make Guang-Hong break out of his shell-shocked state. “You... did all of this?”

Leo’s smile was warm, relieved to see that Guang-Hong wasn’t reacting badly to this. “Everyone pitched in actually! Viktor and Chris put up the couplets outside, Seung-gil helped me put up the lanterns, Yuuri and Kenjirou cooked the food...”

Minami nodded along, looking proud of himself. “We looked up a bunch of recipes online-- they’re probably not exactly what you’re used to, but we think the food tastes pretty decent! Yuri is a big fan. Uh, Russian Yuri. But Japanese Yuuri too.”

“And Phichit brought mooncakes,” Leo added. Too distracted, Guang-Hong couldn't even bring himself to remind them that mooncakes didn't even belong to this festival.

As if on cue, Phichit suddenly appeared behind Guang-Hong, wrapping his arms around Guang-Hong’s shoulders. “小虹! 恭喜发财!”

Instinctively, Guang-Hong reached up to lean one hand on Phichit’s arm. “Wait, so-- everyone’s here? To celebrate?”

Minami and Leo nodded, and Guang-Hong could feel Phichit do the same.

“It might not be like celebrating with your family, but it’s still something. I like to think we’re kind of like one big family here too!”

“Oh, barf,” Yuri suddenly spoke up from somewhere behind them, voice still muffled from the food in his mouth.

Oddly enough, it was Yuri’s brief comment that finally did it-- as if it suddenly made Guang-Hong realize what was going on. Leo had gathered all their friends for a holiday they didn’t even celebrate, just because Guang-Hong was homesick. The food looked a little different from what he was used to, and the decorations made their apartment look like a cheap store in Chinatown-- but Guang-Hong was still so, so grateful.

And not to mention, incredibly caught off guard.

Without any warning, Guang-Hong’s eyes filled with tears, spilling over before anyone else even realized it was happening.

And as the tears ran down his cheeks and everyone reached towards him in worry, a burst of laughter escaped Guang-Hong.

“小虹?” Phichit tried, the confusion in his voice matching the expressions of everyone around them.

“Sorry, sorry, I just--” Quiet chuckles continued to spill out of him as he wiped his cheeks, knowing he was just making this entire situation just more ridiculous. “I just-- you guys really surprised me. I can’t believe... You did all this. All of you.”

Slowly, worry morphed into relief and happiness, and Phichit moved his arms so he could give Guang-Hong a tight hug from behind. “Of course we did. We can’t let you miss new year’s just because you’re here.”

“You just wanted an excuse to throw a party,” Yuri commented and Guang-Hong couldn’t help but laugh again.

“For once, I’m not even going to complain about that,” Guang-Hong smiled, “But only if you don’t make me eat the mooncakes.”

  
....

  
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” the officer continues, but he can’t hear her anymore, can’t focus on anything that’s happening.

It feels like all the air has been knocked out of him.

  
....

 

They met new people in the neighborhood, other couples and families that had been living there for much longer. Yuuri and Viktor lived in the apartment beneath them, and Leo often saw them walking their two poodles around the nearby park.

Minami lived on the same floor as them but in the next building over, so they could see each other through the windows in their kitchens. He was the one who showed Guang-Hong the nearest Asian grocery shop, and they stocked up on frozen _jiaozi_ together.

It wasn’t quite like what his mom would make back home in Shanghai, but the shop also had everything needed to make _jiaozi_ from scratch, so he got some of that too. He offered some to all the neighbors he considered friends, even the easily irritated Yuri who lived on the first floor.

Leo, Guang-Hong and Minami all bet on how long it would take before Yuri actually got together with the handsome guy with an undercut, who worked at the nearby kiosk. Guang-Hong won when he caught the couple holding hands a couple of weeks later.

  
....

  
He’s always been a religious person, but right now, it doesn’t feel like God even exists.

And if He does, he wants to yell and curse at his face, to scream at the skies why why _why_ had this happened, why did it have to be him?

His fingers are tangled in his hair, gripping hard at the strands, as he lets a sob tear through him. It echoes in the empty apartment, in the bedroom meant for two.

....

  
They found a café near the apartment, and their baked cheesecakes quickly became Guang-Hong’s favorite.

On the Friday of a particularly trying work week, Leo brought home boxes of cheesecake and cups of bubbletea from Guang-Hong’s favorite place. It’s the only place that offers both taro and tapioca balls, which was why it was Guang-Hong’s favorite, but the distance made it difficult to go there frequently.

Guang-Hong was hunched over the desk of their little office room when Leo came home. He was wearing his glasses, a rare sight for anyone but Leo, gaze scanning several sheets of paper spread across the table. He didn’t even move when Leo pushed the door open, softly knocking as he took a step inside.

“I’m home,” he said quietly as to not startle the other.

Guang-Hong finally looked up, hair ruffled and glasses sitting low on his nose. The sight made Leo smile. He crossed the room in two swift steps before he leaned down to place a kiss on Guang-Hong’s forehead. Guang-Hong immediately closed his eyes, leaning into Leo’s touch. His exhaustion was obvious.

“Long day?” Leo smiled, straightening up again. Guang-Hong nodded, only opening his eyes when he heard the rustling of the plastic bags.

“Is that...?”

Leo grinned. “Would you like to join me for some cheesecake and bubbletea for dinner?” The look of realization on Guang-Hong’s face definitely made that 45 minute long drive to the bubbletea place worth it.

Guang-Hong slid his glasses back in place and gave Leo a tired but loving smile. “It would be an honor.”

....

  
For a while, he can’t bring himself to go back to the dance studio. His fellow instructors already know what has happened and don’t question his absence, even when the weeks turn into months. He has never gone this long without dancing.

It takes a while for him to even be able to dance around the apartment.

He only lasts three minutes the first time, before Guang-Hong’s absence gets to him.

Leo ends up curled up beneath the window, their wedding photo still resting on the windowsill.

One of the lanterns still hangs above him.

....

  
“Like this?”

“Mhm, just... Put your arm up a little higher.” As he spoke, Leo adjusted Guang-Hong’s arm into the right position. “There. Do you remember what comes next?”

Guang-Hong answered with his body, sliding into the next part of the dance. With Leo being a professional, it was obvious who was the better dancer between the two, but that didn’t mean Guang-Hong was bad at it. He had always been good at following rhythms, and after years of being with Leo, his dancing had gotten better. They mostly just danced around the apartment to whatever was playing on the radio, but occasionally Leo would teach Guang-Hong some of the moves he learned at the studio.

It started out as Guang-Hong just following along whenever Leo would practice in their too small apartment, the moves compromised due to the lack of space. Eventually, Leo found that teaching Guang-Hong the dances was a good way to remember new moves.

Plus, it was pretty fun to dance and be wrapped up around his husband.

They spent some nights during the week, dancing around, sometimes without any music, just the two of them humming and improvising. Sometimes it ended with laughter and hopeless giggles, other times it ended in eager kisses and whispered words.

  
....

  
His neighbors stop by, offering their condolences and comfort. Leo appreciates what they have to say, but in the end, the words aren’t worth much. He only likes to listen to them talk about their favorite memories of Guang-Hong. Viktor tells him about a time Guang-Hong had almost made him cry with his cooking-- Guang-Hong hadn’t known that Viktor had zero spice tolerance. Yuuri tells him some stories he already knew about but doesn’t mind hearing again, and shows Leo pictures he had taken of Guang-Hong petting their dogs.

It makes his heart ache, hearing about all these memories, but Leo likes knowing about them. It hurts in a comforting sort of way. At least it means he can keep the memory of Guang-Hong alive longer.

Minami helps him buy groceries when he doesn’t want to go outside. Yuri offers him a plate of _jiaozi_ Guang-Hong had given the blond just a couple of days ago; Leo doesn’t know if it helps or just causes more damage. Yuri looks just as conflicted as Leo feels, the sadness in his eyes uncharacteristic of the usually so angry blond.

These days, most things are like that, bringing both pain and comfort. His emotions have never been this out of control before, but he tries to tell himself it’s justified.

Phichit and Seung-gil live further away, so they stay with Leo for a week. It helps, having their voices fill the silence that has so suddenly enveloped his days.

With Guang-Hong, even the quiet moments were filled with life, filled with quiet chuckles and bright smiles that spoke volumes.

  
....

There were two buckets in front of them, a couple of meters away from where Guang-Hong and Leo were seated on the floor. Rainwater had slowly been dripping through the ceiling, filling the buckets as the storm outside continued. With nothing better to do, Leo and Guang-Hong watched the raindrops, emptying the buckets when needed.

They had finally finished painting the entire room white, though it remained unfurnished. They didn’t even bother fetching the chairs, instead just leaning against each other and the recently dried wall.

“This is nice,” Guang-Hong smiled before taking a sip of his tea, gaze focused on the buckets.

Leo raised an eyebrow at that, “Do you like watching grass grow too or...?”

Guang-Hong elbowed Leo’s arm, looking satisfied when some of Leo’s tea almost spilled over the edge of the mug. “It may be boring, but it still feels nice. Sitting here with you, listening to the rain... Drinking a decent cup of tea for once.”

“Are you saying the tea _I_ make isn’t good enough for you?”

“That is exactly what I’m saying.”

Leo only smiled at the teasing comment before sipping at his own mug. He had to admit, Guang-Hong did make good tea. Leo had no idea what the other did differently to make it taste better, but he figured it was just another one of Guang-Hong’s many talents; being able to effortlessly flip pancakes, always managing to win something when playing one of those claw machine games, making the best tea...

Making rainy days better, even when their ceiling was leaking.

“This _is_ nice,” Leo said at last, voice sounding far away, lost in his thoughts. The soft curve of Leo’s lips made Guang-Hong smile.

Leo leaned his head on top of Guang-Hong’s, who shuffled closer and snuggled against his side.

  
....

  
Leo paints the bike white, with what’s left of the paint they had bought together for the walls. He spends a month debating on whether he should do it or not, considers just keeping the bike like it is, perhaps just keeping it in the basement till he’s ready to let it go-- if that time ever comes.

Phichit convinces him this is a better idea, but it takes Leo another two months to actually go through with it and get the bike out of the basement.

It was mostly just the front wheel that had been damaged so he has to buy a new one, but the rest of the bike is the same. It’s still Guang-Hong’s bike. Still the bike he had ridden to and from work every day.

Guang-Hong had always liked biking, he would ride his bike whenever he got the opportunity. Years of biking around Shanghai had trained him to handle the traffic well, but it hadn’t been enough. Nothing could have prepared him for a drunk driver going above the speed limit.

Phichit helps Leo put the bike up against a lamppost, and places a bouquet against the wheel, the rain staining the ribbon wrapped around the flowers. Forget-Me-Nots and hydrangeas, Guang-Hong’s favorites.

  
....

  
Leo came home one day to find Guang-Hong making dinner in the kitchen, wearing Leo’s favorite ‘Do Nothing to the Cook’ apron. The radio was on, the sound of generic pop music blending together with the sizzling of the pan.

“Something smells good.” He wrapped his arms around Guang-Hong from behind, leaning his chin on the other’s shoulder so he can peek at what he’s making. “And looks even better.”

Guang-Hong hummed, “I got off work early so I figured I could make dinner for once.” He put down the wooden spoon and turned in Leo’s arms to face him, giving him a quick peck on the lips. “Welcome home.”

Never one to miss an opportunity, Leo began gently swaying their bodies side to side, too slow to match the rhythm of the song playing on the radio. Guang-Hong picked up on it with a smile and lead them a couple of steps away from the stove, picking up speed but still moving slowly. Leo grinned and took a hold of Guang-Hong’s hand so he could do a little twirl under their arms.

_“I’m in love with the shape of you...”_ Leo sang along softly, the smile never leaving his lips. Bubbles of laughter escaped Guang-Hong as he did another twirl. They were mostly just holding onto each other and swaying to the melody, focusing on each other rather than the music.

“Your students would be disappointed if they saw you dance like this,” Guang-Hong teased, wrapping his arms around Leo’s waist again.

Leo chuckled in response. “Pretty sure they’d just be jealous since I get to dance with you.”

“You’re too cheesy.”

“You enable me.”

The song on the radio changed but neither of them noticed, only continuing to sway around, both with a content smile on their lips. Guang-Hong laid his head against Leo’s chest, about to close his eyes when Leo suddenly froze.

“The food!”

The abandoned pan of vegetables had caught on fire, and it took them both a moment to react. There was some frantic yelling as they got out the extinguisher, trying their best to put the fire out as the alarm beeped angrily above their heads.

Half an hour later, their stovetop was a complete mess and none of the food was even close to being salvageable.

Leo put a hand on Guang-Hong’s shoulder as the other looked forlornly at the disastrous kitchen. “...Should we go for pizza or thai take out then?”

Guang-Hong sighed, “Both.”

  
....

  
Leo can’t even tell himself that it had been a painless death. The officer had told him that Guang-Hong had passed on the way to the hospital, the injuries too much for his body to handle.

Some nights, Leo stays up wondering what Guang-Hong was thinking about in his final moments.

He thinks about how afraid he must have been.

He thinks about how alone he must have felt, and feels guilty when he compares it to his own current loneliness. He may be lonely, but at least he’s not fearing for his life.

Guang-Hong deserved better.

Leo wonders if it’s selfish to wish this pain upon someone else.

  
....

  
“You’re taking longer than usual.”

Guang-Hong finished blending out the eyeshadow on Leo’s eyelid before he answered. “Of course I am, I have to make sure you look perfect!”

Leo smiled, eyes remaining closed as Guang-Hong continued working his magic. Leo himself had never been very interested in anything that had to do with makeup, which had often resulted in him becoming both Phichit and Guang-Hong’s makeup guinea pig. These days, however, Leo often let Guang-Hong do his makeup before performances. All those makeup tips Guang-Hong had gotten from Phichit had really paid off.

Feeling Guang-Hong lean away, probably reaching for another brush, Leo opened an eye to peak at him. “It’s not _that_ big of a deal, y’know.”

“That is a lie and you know it. Close your eyes again. I’m going to do your eyeliner.”

Leo did as he was told, shutting up as he felt the tip of the eyeliner touch his skin. He wouldn’t dare disturb Guang-Hong while he was putting eyeliner on.

“This is huge, Leo, a huge performance! Lots of people are going to see you! They’ll see how talented you are, and how great your makeup is...”

Leo could practically hear the smile in Guang-Hong’s voice.

“Your name was on the pamphlet, Leo. In big, shiny letters-- Like you’re a _star_.”

There was so much love and pride and admiration in Guang-Hong’s voice that Leo couldn’t help but smile. No matter how popular he got, Guang-Hong would always be Leo’s number one fan.

“Open your eyes.”

Leo did as he was told.

Guang-Hong looked skeptical. “I think I messed up.”

“Really? What did you--”

“I made you _too_ handsome,” Guang-Hong grinned, looking extremely satisfied with himself.

The words were so ridiculous Leo couldn’t help but laugh. “And you call _me_ cheesy?”

Guang-Hong shrugged, “I have my moments too.”

  
....

  
Like any other couple, they had their fights. It was inevitable; being around someone almost 24/7, you’re bound to come across some sort of disagreement. It was never too serious, nor was it ever comfortable. Raised voices and clashing opinions, one or two nights spent sleeping in separate rooms. And then, because they both loved each other too much to let it go on for too long, because they both hated the stifling atmosphere of the apartment, they talked it out.

It was usually just small things. Leo promised to consult Guang-Hong before making important choices. Guang-Hong swore he would try to respond to texts and calls more often. In the end, they were just two lovers who worried too much about the other, but they tried to make it work-- and it always did.

Guang-Hong placed a soft kiss against the corner of Leo’s lips-- the first kiss after their argument had been solved-- before he grabbed his bike helmet and left the apartment for work.

  
....

  
It’s raining outside on the day of his performance. It’s been ages since he was last on stage. He has mixed feelings about being up there again.

He wonders what it’ll be like to perform in front of an audience without Guang-Hong. He wonders what it’ll be like to not receive flowers from him, to not go out to eat together with their friends afterwards, to not hear him congratulate him on a good performance. Guang-Hong always told him he looked cool up on the stage, no matter if he messed up or not.

The music is starting and he feels his muscles tighten, hands forming fists at his sides. Behind him, one of his fellow dancers places what’s supposed to be a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Leo doesn’t know if he wishes for closure. He doesn’t want to close the chapter of his life that involves Guang-Hong. He simply wants to be able to live life to its fullest again-- surely it must be possible to do that and still cherish his memories with Guang-Hong.

Phichit and Seung-gil meet him after the performance, with bright eyes and a bouquet. Phichit rambles on excitedly about how he had loved the performance, gives some minor complaints about the outfits and makeup (“Seriously Leo, you could have just asked me to do your eyeliner.”), while Seung-gil occasionally gives his input, unsurprisingly focusing more on the technicalities of the performance. On the way to the car, they find Yuuri and Viktor as well, who insist they all go out to eat.

“I was kind of thinking about just going home,” Leo says sheepishly, though it’s hard to turn them down when all his friends are looking at him with such expectant eyes.

“A performance like that should be celebrated!” Viktor insists. “Plus, it’s been a while since you’ve been on stage, right? You deserve a reward-- to celebrate your return!”

Yuuri nudges Viktor a little, and gives Leo an understanding smile. “But if you’re too tired to go out right now, we could take it another time.”

Leo is about to open his mouth, but Phichit answers for him. “C’mon Leo, we can’t break our tradition of post-performance pizza.”

Somewhere within him, there’s an urge to protest against going out. Going out for pizza after his dance performances had become a common occurrence, it had been their thing. Phichit, Seung-gil, Leo, and Guang-Hong.

He knows that’s why there’s a part of him that doesn’t want to go. A part of him that feels guilty for keeping this going without Guang-Hong, despite it being such a trivial event as getting pizza.

But then again...

He can’t be like this forever. He can’t keep avoiding hanging out with his friends just because he knows there will be an empty seat; he can’t keep avoiding that café on the corner because they still sell Guang-Hong’s favorite cheesecake; he can’t keep avoiding the forget-me-nots and hydrangeas.

“Leo?” Phichit tries again, looking just the slightest bit concerned now. The rest of the group is focusing on other things-- their phones, each other-- probably having figured why Leo is so hesitant to go out.

“Yeah. I’m, uh,” he knows he sounds and looks hesitant, but for once, the smile on his face doesn’t look the slightest bit forced. It’s small, but still there. “Let’s go get pizza.”

Phichit gives an enthusiastic whoop while Seung-gil gives him a small, encouraging smile. Viktor and Yuuri look happy as well.

It feels kind of odd, having his friends look so happy for him, simply because he’s saying yes to go out for pizza. To onlookers, to those who know nothing about what has happened, it must look strange. But his friends know what happened last year, Leo knows what’s happened, and he knows that this is a small but important step in the right direction. Today, he’ll go out for pizza with his friends after performing for the first time in ages. Next week he’ll visit the cemetery and take care of the flowers on the grave.

Leo knows the pain will never truly go away, but it’ll get better. Slowly, it’ll be easier to sleep alone in the bed for two, it’ll be easier to walk past the white bike by the lamppost. And when even the small things are difficult to do, he knows he’s not truly alone after all.

Moving on doesn’t mean letting go of the past memories. It simply means cherishing what once was, and looking towards the future.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is based off of the music video for symphony by clean bandit, go check it out if you haven't!!
> 
> notes;  
> 恭喜发财 - may you have a prosperous new year  
> 小虹 - affectionate way of referring to guang hong (小 means small/little, 虹 is the second character in his name meaning rainbow)  
> chunlian - spring festival couplets, typically hung around doorway during spring festival  
> mantou and jiaozi are types of food
> 
> i'm not chinese so i apologize if i got any chinese culture related stuff wrong; please correct me if there are mistakes! i would hate for there to be inaccuracies.
> 
> thank you soooosososo much to my lovely beta isababe (WHO IS A BABE!!!), she's always dealing with all my bs, all my screaming about leoji, and technically this fic wouldn't have existed without her so seriously, thank u so much!!!
> 
> as always feel free to yell at me over on twitter @ bibibingka


End file.
